I can't

I can't. I can't i can't i can't.
I can't do this anymore. It's going to kill me. I just can't. I need to move on. But.
I can't stop loving him. I can't and i need to because it's the worst thing ever.
I can't because thinking of everything that happened literally makes me sick to my stomach.
I can't because he's the only one i ever think about.
He's the one i don't want to think about, but i cannot stop.
I can't because i never got to kiss him, i never felt his breath between my lips.
I can't because i spend my days fantasizing about him surprising me,
showing up on my doorstep, telling me he made a mistake.
I can't because i see her everyday.
I can't because i don't even know if he chose her.
I don't even know because he is so confusing and frustrating
and he makes everything so unclear.
I can't because he might still have feelings for me.
There is that sliver of a chance and while i know it's probably not true,
it makes it impossible to let go.
I can't because i think about being in his arms every second
the feeling of his warmth beneath my fingers
warm, soft and right.
I can't because he understood me.
He just got me, right from the start.
And i don't find that often. Not often at all.
I can't because we would be perfect together.
I know we would. And it's too hard for me to give up on that.
I can't because EVERYTHING makes me think of him.
I can't because i've tried and it doesn't work. I want to stop so much.
It's just not going to happen.
I can't because i don't see other guys. I don't even see them as being guys.
It's like they don't exist to me now.
I can't because i imagined our insane, amazing, beautiful future and it's all i want.
I thought it was really going to happen and now the pain is eating me up.
I can't because i want him more than i've ever wanted anything in my life.

I can't breathe. I can't focus. I can't be without him. I can't go the rest of my life wondering what it would have been like.

I just can't.